You’re not going to die, I told myself over and over again, figuring that if I said it enough, I might actually start believing it. I had to keep my wits about me; that was the one thing I had going in my favor. I was a smart fella…I could outsmart an axe-wielding behemoth, bent on my utter destruction and dismemberment. Piece of cake. I paused for a second, pushing my back hard against a large tree, and listened to the noises of the night. I could hear the homicidal maniac’s footfalls nearing me, and knew that I had to keep moving. I spied a part between two trees that looked like it would led to the main road, so I made a dash for it. Perhaps a passing car would see me running and stop to offer help…or at least call 911. It was only about ten o’clock on Christmas Eve, after all, there had to be one or two cars still on the road, right? In my terror-stricken mindset I was frankly grabbing at any straws of survival I could, and even though the passing car was a long shot, it was one I had to take. CLANG! I heard the metal jaws snap shut, and I hit the ground hard, ripping open the stitches in my forehead. My leg was caught on something and it hurt like hell! As the blood from my newly reopened wound poured down my face, I struggled to see what had ensnared me. There it was…an old bear trap, hidden in the underbrush between the two trees, and I was caught in its jaws of death. I wiped the blood from my eyes, and tried to free my leg, which just resulted in waves of pain washing over me. Had I yelled when the mechanical jaws had snapped shut? Had I given away my position to the homicidal maniac? I quickly tried to pry the jaws of the bear trap open, but the blood spurting from the holes left by the trap’s teeth made the metal slippery, and I couldn’t get a good grip. Was this it? Was I going to die in the middle of the woods with my leg caught in a bear trap? I have heard people say that when you’re in a situation where you may die, your life will flash before your eyes. Well, I don’t know if that is true for others, but for me, it didn’t. Nothing flashed before my eyes; no warm images of past birthdays or of long-lost loves, no regrets of missed opportunities or a misspoken and hurtful word…nothing. In fact, the only thing that was on my mind was how sick and cosmically coincidental it was for me, a gay man in the Bear Community, to be caught in a bear trap. I mean, I certainly wasn’t laughing about it, but it was one of those ethereal moments where you just stop and ask yourself, I wonder…. I struggled as hard as I could against the strong bite of the bear trap, but couldn’t seem to get a good enough grip on the jaws to pry them open. I felt my leg move in an unnatural way, and I knew instantly that the force of the trap clamping shut had snapped the bones like twigs. I felt a little nauseous, but through shear willpower, managed to keep my dinner down. Although I was still several yards from the road, I saw the familiar glow of the approaching headlights of an automobile. Whaddya know? There would have been someone out on the road this late at night! If I had actually made it to the road, I would be home free…Ah, what could have been. “Wait! Help!” I screamed at the car as it whizzed by; just a colored blur in the cold night air. “Wait…Don’t go….” There was less urgency in my voice, as I realized that possibly my only rescue had passed me by; not even knowing I was trapped. “I need…help….” The crunch of snow beneath the homicidal, axe-wielding maniac’s feet drew my attention back to the matter at hand…my impending doom. I trembled as I watched the light of the moon glint off the shiny, metal head of the axe, as the weapon was raised to striking position. I felt a sudden rush of warmth between my legs, and realized my bladder had emptied itself, right then and there…yes, at that moment, I had the piss scared out of me. “Don’t do this,” I said to the maniac. “You don’t have to do this….” I stared deep into the wild eyes of the homicidal, axe-wielding maniac, looking for some shred of decency or compassion or humanity or anything…just something that would bring this nightmare to an end where I wasn’t chopped into tiny pieces and left as a midnight snack for the woodland creatures. In the hunter’s eyes I found nothing; only a coldness that rivaled the night air itself. This is gonna hurt, I thought to myself, and then closed my eyes, awaiting the first blow.

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